What is one specific thing you believe God has called you to do in your single years? That’s a tough question—and one I’ve definitely tried to figure out.

There are not many specific teachings in the Bible to women who have yet to get married or want to get married. For sure, although some of these options might be well and good, God doesn’t want any of us to just sit, soak, and sour at home while scanning the personals section of your local newspaper and fasting for the rest of your life daily for a husband.

God might not have spoken a lot about single women, but he did give three tasks in 1 Corinthians 7:34 specifically for unmarried women.

“The unmarried woman careth for the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit:”

Be Busy with the Lord’s Work

This girl was not turning into a wallflower while waiting for a mate to come along. She was not growing bitterer by the day about her lack of prospects.

Instead, she was busy serving God in the ministry he had called her to fulfill. God’s work and his alone are to be the main priorities in our single years.

Be Holy in Body

As she was unmarried, she kept herself pure and holy, set apart for God and if he willed marriage, her future husband. Pure in body goes much deeper than any sexual connotation; it also serves as a powerful reminder to be holy in our dress, words, and actions.

Flirtatiousness and defrauding of men is absent from her repertoire. She was set apart for one thing—holiness before the eyes of God. Furthermore, she was able to practically apply the words of Proverbs 31:12: “She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life”

She Was Holy in Spirit

The second task covered the outward, but this third one addresses the inward. Emotions are tricky, TRICKY little things and can stir up desires that God is not ready to fulfill.

Our spirit is our mind, will, and emotions together. Holiness of mind impacts the books we read, the music we listen to, and the entertainment I watch. These fuel our spirits in one of two ways—positively or negatively.

I remember during one period of my life, I couldn’t even listen to the clean, yet still love songs sung by a popular easy-listening artist. Every time I heard the words to his gorgeous ballads, I would find myself longing to have a guy in my life to personify the words. It eventually came to the point where I knew that I needed to give up his music for that season of my life because it was affecting me spiritually by stirring up feelings of discontent and longing that God wasn’t ready to answer.

Holiness in this area might even be harder for some than holiness of body. Don’t hesitate to surrender your spirit over to Christ in these crucial areas. The Bible might not say much about the waiting years, but what it does say is powerful and quite the challenge. Honor God first—and leave the rest to him.

After all, don’t forget what Max Lucado said: “A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him just to find her.”

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately about the role of the church in the life of a believer. Some of this has stemmed from multiple discussions with friends and family members, and through it all, God has been refining some of my thinking.

Throughout the Bible, many mentions are made of the vital institution of the local church. Paul, who planted churches all over Asia and Europe, admonished believers in Hebrews 10:25 to not forsake the assembling together of believers. Earlier in Ephesians 2, Paul reminds that church members are not lone individuals, rather one body serving one purpose—that of glorifying God. “Now therefore ye are no more strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints, and of the household of God; And are built upon the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief corner stone; In whom all the building fitly framed together groweth unto an holy temple in the Lord: In whom ye also are builded together for an habitation of God through the Spirit.” Ephesians 2:19-22.

It was the concept of one body, one spirit that caused me to think. Not only does Jesus use the picture of a body to describe the church, but he likens the church to being a bride. If the church is Christ’s bride, and He is our Bridegroom, shouldn’t the same principles of marriage detailed in the Bible apply to our relationship with our church, our church leaders, and our church members?

Marriage is one of the most lasting relationships you can enter—-one that Christ wants parted only through death. Couples, like church members, often experience tiffs, difficulties, and disagreements. But instead of walking out and transferring our membership over petty arguments, do you suppose God wants us to apply his principles of restoration? A disagreement over music is not Biblical grounds for divorce, so if you are at a church that you know God has led you to attend, is that Biblical grounds for leaving? How about a tiff over the personality of your youth pastor, or the dress of your newly ordained deacon’s second cousin-in-law? God has specific instructions for how you deal with these types of situations: “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.” Colossians 3:13.

How about when it comes to your inter-church relationships? Are you spreading rumors or feeding into someone else’s discontent? Instead of bringing your issues PERSONALLY before the minister, are you telling anyone with an available ear how you would change or improve the way things are run? It’s easy to see the blind spots of those we are around the most, and I’m definitely guilty of spreading my $0.02’s worth of discontent to others.

Cheating can be defined as the actions of a person who is being unfaithful physically or emotionally. In the same way as a husband can cheat on his wife, a person can cheat on his church. An unfaithful husband finds a listening ear to pour out his relationship woes. An unfaithful church member tells everyone who will listen about the faults of their church or church leadership. Instead of taking these situations to the throne room of grace, this person goes to another, non-involved third-party.

This is not to say that we dismiss the need for accountability or constructive criticism. Pastors, elders, deacons, and church members need to be held accountable and they are not perfect. But, like in a marriage relationship, it is imperative that the counsel is administered in love, and to the person who needs to make the change. If you don’t have the courage to tell someone their faults to their face, it is a shameful coward act to spread it around behind their backs.

I don’t pretend to have this whole concept figured out, but this is just what God has been convicting me over the past several weeks. It definitely is a lot of food for thought as I’ve pondered just what God means by his comparison between the body of Christ and a bride.

Of one thing, though, I am certain. If we were to practice the principle of comparing the church to a marriage relationship with Christ, I venture that we would see fewer splits, fewer factions, and ultimately, an increased bond of unity.

Communication is everything.

It may sound like a cliché, but it is a true one. Communication is what makes the world go round—and the lack of it is what makes your personal world come screeching to a halt.

I deal with the need for communication every day whether I am trying to understand the perspective of one of OTB’s writers while editing their work, or just trying to decide with a friend whether we want ice cream from Raos or soft drinks from Sonic. Communication takes part in the workplace, but also in the home with your family. It builds relationships, but the lack of it tears them apart.

Recently, I have been reading a book entitled Guerrilla P.R. 2.0. by Michael Levine, which highlights a few tips on how each of us can communicate better with those around us.

Seven Secrets to Being a Successful Communicator

A successful communicator is confident and unafraid to ask for what they want.
I do not know how many times my mother tried to drill into my head that the worse thing anyone could ever tell me when I asked for something was no. Dare to ask.

A successful communicator is appreciative of those who help them.
Communicating what you need is only half as important as communicating your thanks afterward. Nothing is more discouraging than to help an ungrateful person. Do not overlook those who help you reach your goals. Remember, you would not be there without them.

A successful communicator consistently nurtures relationships.
A relationship worth having is a relationship worth working on. Relationships are not like pet rocks. You cannot set them on a shelf, pour water on them once a blue moon when you remember, and expect them to grow. You have to invest in the life of the individual, spend time with them, and continually nurture that relationship.

A successful communicator is tenacious in going around obstacles.
Do you give up at the first sign of conflict or an obstacle? When the going gets rough, do you hit the road? I love this G. K. Chesterton quote, “An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered.”

A successful communicator is an excellent listener.
Do you actually listen to people? On the other hand, does your mouth start racing to reply while someone is still talking? Are you polite, or do you have a bad habit of cutting people off before they are finished? One thing I have been learning recently is to listen not only the words of a person, but also their body language, and ultimately, the heart behind the words. Not everyone is adept at verbal expression and if you ignore their non-verbal communication, you will never be able to understand fully what they are trying to tell you.

A successful communicator rebounds quickly and completely from rejection.
Do your wounds smart for a while after someone takes a jab at you or your project? Has your work become personal? Separate your identity from your work and when someone criticizes your pet project, you will be able to avoid making the criticism personal. Evaluate every rejection or criticism for potential lessons to be learned, and then move on. Do not fester or simmer. You are wasting valuable time and energy.

A successful communicator is friendly and approachable.
Who wants to hang around someone who is not friendly? Regardless of your personality, you can still be pleasant. Even the most seclusion-minded, introverted, Eeyore-like melancholic has a responsibility to be a friendly communicator. As Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man that hath friends must show himself friendly.” If you ever want to succeed at being a skilled communicator, you at least have to be approachable. If no one likes you, you had better believe that no one would want to deal with you.

Lucy Maud Montgomery once wrote that there were two types of people in this world, those who know Joseph and those who don’t. If you haven’t the foggiest idea of what I’m talking about, you are either one of two things—-unfamiliar with the Anne series or someone who just doesn’t know Joseph.

During Anne’s adolescent years, she tended to objectify people into two groups, kindred spirits and well, the rest of the world. While Anne and Diana were the perfect example of kindred spirits, by the time Anne approached her mid-twenties, she was looking for more than just a kindred spirit in a friend; she wanted a friend who knew Joseph.

I’ll let Montgomery do the explaining in a conversation between Anne and Captain Jim in chapter seven of Anne’s House of Dreams:

“We both belong to the race that knows Joseph, as Cornelia Bryant would say.”

“The race that knows Joseph?” puzzled Anne.

“Yes. Cornelia divides all the folks in the world into two kinds– the race that knows Joseph and the race that don’t. If a person sorter sees eye to eye with you, and has pretty much the same ideas about things, and the same taste in jokes–why, then he belongs to the race that knows Joseph.”

“Oh, I understand,” exclaimed Anne, light breaking in upon her.

“It’s what I used to call–and still call in quotation marks `kindred spirits.’”

“Jest so–jest so,” agreed Captain Jim. “We’re it, whatever it is. When you come in tonight, Mistress Blythe, I says to myself, says I, `Yes, she’s of the race that knows Joseph.’ And mighty glad I was, for if it wasn’t so we couldn’t have had any real satisfaction in each other’s company. The race that knows Joseph is the salt of the airth, I reckon.”

The salt of the airth? I couldn’t have said it better myself. One knows instantly when in company with one of the race that knows Joseph. Besides just communicating as friends, you communicate on a spiritual level—-the kinship one instantly feels when spending time with another like-minded Christian.

While thinking about the phrase “the race that knows Joseph”, I came across this excellent explanation that helps us understand just why this is so important in each of our lives.

Exodus 1:8 gives the moment in time that Israel ceased its period of comfort in Egypt, while under Joseph’s rule with the Pharaoh. “Now there arose up a new king over Egypt, which knew not Joseph.” So, the reverse being that those who were believers in God, who followed Him, were of the group that “know Joseph”.

All that to say this — One of the most amazing earthly gifts that God has given us is fellowship with other believers. What joy they bring with their “kindred spirits” — we’re one in the body of Christ! Our fellowship with believers at its best encourages us, strengthens us, and shows love to us. Of course, it’s the Holy Spirit living within us as believers that gives us the ability to do all of those things. When we accept Christ as the living Savior of our lives, the Holy Spirit comes to dwell within our hearts, and we begin to show fruit of that — love, joy, peace, patience, gentleness, goodness, faith, meekness, and self-control. What better qualities could you ask for in a friend?

(source: The Race That Knows Joseph)

Over the years, I’ve met many of the race that knows Joseph. Some I’ve met just in passing, while others have turned into treasured friends. God knew what he was doing when he created the bonds of relationships. Friends do more than just keep us company when shopping in the mall; good friends will influence our lives for Christ—-and ultimately help draw us closer to the truest friend we could ever desire, Jesus Christ.

To all my friends of the race that knows Joseph, thank you. You’ve impacted my life in more ways than you’ll ever know.

Envy has a much deeper meaning than just wanting something that another owns. It implies to Christ that His love is not enough, and his finished work on the Cross did not make you complete.

Noah Webster’s 1828 Dictionary defines the word envy is the following way:

“Feeling or harboring envy; repining or feeling uneasiness, at a view of the excellence, prosperity or happiness of another; pained by the desire of possessing some superior good which another possesses, and usually disposed to deprive him of that good, to lessen it or to depreciate it in common estimation.”

In plain English, this refers to harboring such deep feelings of envy and jealousy towards another on account of his assets, relationships, or even personal characteristics that you attempt to cheapen these objects in other people’s opinions, or even attempt to take these characteristics away from the person.

Unfortunately, when a person becomes envious he loses sight of the things that God has given him. Inevitably, discontent arises and ultimately he will compromise his morals, faith, and sometimes his very life in his attempt to achieve these things.

Envy is one of Satan’s oldest tricks in the book. It was envy which made Eve want to be like God. Envy prompted Jacob to trick Esau so he could steal his father’s birthright. Envy was the reason David committed adultery with Bathsheba.

The ancient Greek writer of fables, Aesop, is the attributed author of the following tale that clearly warns of the dangers of envy.

“Three Bulls were grazing in a meadow, and were watched by a Lion, who longed to capture and devour them, but who felt that he was no match for the three so long as they kept together.

So he began by false whispers and malicious hints to foment jealousies and distrust among them. This stratagem succeeded so well that ere long the Bulls grew cold and unfriendly, and finally avoided each other and fed each one by himself apart.

No sooner did the Lion see this than he fell upon them one by one and killed them in turn.

The quarrels of friends are the opportunities of foes.”

Satan is constantly attempting to divide and conquer believers. By causing us to become envious and jealous of one another, he can destroy relationships and create a bad witness to the unsaved world around us.

Because of the sin of envy, many Christians have compromised their standards, faith, and relationship to God. Never allow this opposite of genuine love to come between you and your Savior.

Christ has provided everything you need to be content in Him. Trust Him with your life and He will reward you beyond your wildest dreams.

This article is part of the “Love Lessons from 1 Corinthians 13″ series. You can view the introduction to the series here.

We live in a world today that constantly bombards us with the concept of love. Our society promotes love and affection as the very basis for our culture.

Song lyrics fill our thoughts with ballads of unrequited affection, novels draw pictures of Prince Charming, and movies give us a false illusion that Hollywood endings should be expected, but in the odd case that something goes awry, your tale will still resemble a feel-good Lifetime movie at journey’s end.

If two people “love” each other, it must be right for them to get married regardless of their gender—or so our society says. It is okay to have sex before marriage because the couple “loves” each other.

Billboards, television commercials, music, movies, and books all help to promote this humanistic interpretation of love. The world has cheapened God’s most powerful concept. Because of this false worldview, our modern world today has completely lost the concept of true love as God intended it.

What is true love? Can love mean more than Cupid shooting his arrow into an indefensible victim? Once we can truly understand love as God intended, we will begin to show genuine love in not only our earthly relationships, but our most important relationship of all, our relationship with our Heavenly Father.

I jotted a few thoughts down a couple of years ago while studying 1 Corinthians 13 and will be sharing them, along with some newer content, over the next several weeks at Heiress in Training. I hope you are encouraged by this series and as always, I would love to hear your feedback and thoughts.

Series Outline

Introduction
Love is Patient
Love is Kind
Love is not Envious
Love does not Brag
Love is not Arrogant

Through it all, I’ve learned (at least!) two things.

(1) To paraphrase John Newton, I’m a great sinner, but God is a great Savior. Despite all the mistakes I’ve made, God has still shown Himself strong on my behalf. His faithfulness is renewed daily, and His grace is always sufficient. “This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is of the LORD’s mercies that we are not consumed, because his compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The LORD is my portion, saith my soul; therefore will I hope in him. The LORD is good unto them that wait for him, to the soul that seeketh him.” Lamentations 3:21-25

(2) I have learned that God has blessed me with incredible family and friends. I’m so grateful to my family for their love and support, and they have shown me so much unconditional love.

Over the past several weeks, I have also had a chance to get to know many of my close friends even better as we have worked, played, grieved, prayed, and laughed together. I have made so many memories over the last few weeks as we have shared many lunch and dessert meets, Wal-Mart and Kroger runs during conferences, pizza and movie parties, excellent times of prayer and Bible study, and late, late-night girl talks. Each of you holds a special place in my heart, and I am so grateful for your encouragement and love! Thank you!!!

This list sums up my close friends perfectly!

A good friend will tell you what you want to hear.
A true friend will always tell the truth.

A good friend will bail you out of prison.
A true friend will be sitting next to you in prison.

A good friend seeks to talk with you about your problems.
A true friend seeks to help you with your problems.

A good friend brings a cake to your party.
A true friend comes early to help you cook and stays late to help you clean.

A good friend knows a few things about you.
A true friend could write a book with direct quotes from you.

A good friend hates it when you call after they’ve gone to bed.
A true friend asks you why you took so long to call.

A good friend has your number on speed dial.
A true friend has your number memorized.

A good friend wonders about your past.
A true friend could blackmail you with it.

A good friend, when visiting, acts like a guest.
A true friend opens your refrigerator and helps herself.

A good friend has never seen you cry.
A true friend has shoulders soggy from your tears.

A good friend doesn’t know your parents’ first names.
A true friend has their phone numbers in her address book.

A good friend expects you to always be there for them.
A true friend expects to always be there for you.

A good friend is someone you enjoy hanging out with.
A true friend is someone you need.

This article was first published at my old website, but given the death of a friend of my family last week, I felt it would be appropriate to repost it here at Heiress in Training.

I’ve been thinking a lot about death recently. Not exactly light-weight material, but something that has been heavy on my heart.

Let me rephrase that a bit.

I’ve been thinking about how quickly and unexpectedly our lives can end here on earth. Even if you do live for eight or nine decades, it still pales in comparison to all of eternity.

Part of what started me down this road of thought was the unexpected death of my uncle last year.

Nothing prepares you for that phone call.

Months past before your heart stops skipping a beat when you hear the phone ring again. You learn to treasure every minute with your loved ones, never end a conversation on a cross word, or go to bed angry with a treasured friend.

Recently, I have been reminded of the frailty of life after hearing about the deaths of two people in my circle of acquaintances. One was just a friend of a friend, the other was a young man that I used to play with as a child.

In both situations, it was entirely unexpected, and in both cases, they were prepared. For them, they had run their races to the finish, and although we might say that their lives were cut short, they had reached the finish line.

My finish line is approaching with every tick of the clock, every beat of my heart, every breath flowing through my lungs.

Have I jumped the hurdles God set out for me to surmount or passed the baton along to my fellow teammates in the relay race of life? So many things I put off doing for God, claiming exhaustion, bad timing, or procrastination. I’ve not been guaranteed another day, but only one moment, one minute, one step at a time.

Folks, it is time to live like we’re dying. Don’t wait to obey God. Do His will. Run the race.

See you at the finish line.

Have you ever sat down and just watched people? Airports are a great place—malls and amusement parks are even better!

One evening I was waiting in a nursing home for my uncle, and I had a chance to sit down and observe some of the residents and their interactions with each other, but more important their interactions with visitors.

I saw some people who looked surprised to see their visitors. I saw what appeared to be a father and son conversing together outside as the son rocked his father in his wheelchair.

I saw residents looking longingly at the visitors as if to say Are you here to see me? But the sight that left the biggest impression on my mind was a moving scene between a husband and wife.

The gentleman was elderly, but appeared to be dealing with age well–he even had a cell phone clipped to his hip.

Unfortunately, his wife was a completely different story.

She looked as if she had Alzheimer’s, but was still being visited faithfully by her husband. As he prepared to leave for the evening, he leaned over, kissed her and said in the most loving tone, “I’ll be back tomorrow for lunch.”

This man, despite his wife’s mental and physical limitations, still loved her from every fiber of his being and wanted to take the time to visit and have lunch with her.

When he said his marriage vows, possibly decades ago, he meant them from the bottom of his heart. I did a search for traditional wedding vows online, and these words from The Wedding Network personify what I observed that day.

“I, give you this ring, wear it with love and joy. I choose you to be my wife: to have and to hold, from this day forward. For better, for worse, for richer for poorer; in sickness and in health; to have and to cherish, as long as we both shall live. And hereto, I pledge you my faithfulness to show to you the same kind of love as Christ showed the Church when He died for her, and to love you as a part of myself because in His sight we shall be one.”

You know, much of what we see today in marriages is based on physical attraction.

God designed beauty, and it is a gift from Him. I’m writing specifically to women because much of what we desire in a mate is someone who finds us physically attractive.

But girls, we want husbands who will still love us after 50 years of marriage.

The wife I observed today was not what you or I would call “drop dead gorgeous,” yet for her husband, she was the only one he was placing his attention on.

I desire to make myself attractive in the eyes of my future mate, if God has chosen marriage in my future, but most importantly, I want to seek for the beauty of my soul.

Aging is a fact of life; no amount of Botox, Oil of Olay, or plastic surgery can change that.

Former Miss America’s still get gray hair. But the soul of a Christian never ages.

You want a marriage that is based upon the spiritual connection between you and your mate, never the physical attraction.

Obviously, you want to marry an attractive mate– nothing wrong with that. But when you are old and gray, do you want your husband who still may appear in the prime of his life, seeking a physically attractive partner?

This was certainly not what I saw this evening.

I saw an example of genuine love that lasted through the decades.